Tag: relationships
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The Helpline Attendant
I knew a man who worked as a helpline attendant. The line is open 24/7 for people who are in crisis to call and talk to someone. I say I “knew” this man because he is no longer in my life any more. We went on several dates, but that’s where things ended. I couldn’t… Read more
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Smiling When I Am Scared
Jovial(?) Roadside Chaos Today, I was walking along a sidewalk with my headphones in. It was the perfect day to spend outdoors, sunny and warm. To my left was a busy road, and to my right was a gorgeous view over-looking the water. All of a sudden, a small construction truck drove past me. I… Read more
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Why Women Get Turned On When Their Partner Does the Dishes
Confusing Female Reactions I watched a man as he blustered about his partner: “She feels more romantic towards me when I do the dishes, than when I kiss her!” He sounded completely bewildered. For him, this instance seemed like another drop in the ocean of “confusing female emotions”. Why would doing the dishes make her… Read more
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On the Men Who Make Women Louder, Not Quieter
The Benefits of a Healthy Dynamic Between Men & Women Because of my feminist writing, some people might assume that I hate men. I don’t. I love and respect men. I adore the dynamic between men and women when it is healthy- and that is why I get so offended when it is not. So… Read more
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When I see Myself Through His Eyes…
When I See Myself Through His Eyes… I always get less than I deserve. I am a thing, not a person. I am a side character. I exist for others, not myself. My value is in my appearance, yet somehow I am overworked. I am depleted. When I See Myself Through My Eyes… I am worthy… Read more
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He Called it Love
Why Did My Strength Make Me More Vulnerable? He called me a hard worker, he meant it as a compliment, but I have come to loathe this praise. It started as a virtue of mine, but has turned into a trap. I am exhausted and depleted. What has my hard work accomplished except to empty… Read more
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You Are Allowed to Leave: 60+ Valid Relationship Deal Breakers
What are “Valid” Deal Breakers? Many people stay in unhealthy relationships because they are not sure if what happened was “bad enough” to justify leaving. And when these toxic behaviours are repeated, they become “normal”, which makes you even less likely to question them. So, I want to list some valid deal breakers. This isn’t… Read more
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The Smile Women Learn to Have
Solo Female Travels Recently, I posted a personal essay called Someone Ran a Stop Sign… & I Smiled at Them. In it, I talk about how quickly I defaulted to reassuring someone after they had almost hurt me. That post was still lingering in my mind, when I had another experience… Earlier this week, I went… Read more
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Someone Ran a Stop Sign… & I Smiled at Them
Looking Both Ways Today, when I was about to cross the street, a moped cut across my path. I jolted, shifting my weight off the street and back onto the sidewalk as he crossed in front of me. I locked eyes with the (male) driver and smiled and nodded. It wasn’t until I began walking… Read more
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Am I Supposed to Lie?
Why Are You Coaching Me to Lie? “I have a boyfriend”, I lied. I didn’t want to lie. I wanted to tell the truth- that I was aggressively single. But I couldn’t, because that would be an invitation. So I lied. As a child, I was told lying is bad. So why am I expected… Read more
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What a Pedophile Taught Me About Manners
Using My Voice For Good When I was young, there was an older man who orbited my life. I felt uneasy around him, though not necessarily unsafe. Only in adulthood did I come to learn of the multiple allegations that had been made against him involving inappropriate sexual behavior toward minors. I was lucky at… Read more
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Going to a Concert Alone
Putting Myself Out There Last year, I went to a concert alone and it was one of the highlights of my year. It was a last-minute ticket for a somewhat fringe artist. So my friends either already had plans or simply don’t listen to that kind of music. I have been a fan of this… Read more
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Death is the Only Boundary That They Won’t Cross
Innocent to Aware When I was young, I believed that every person on earth was a blessing. And then I grew up. My thoughts on this have been refined by time and trauma. I still believe that every person is born a blessing. But whether or not they stay one is based on their behaviour.… Read more
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The Word I’d Be Most Honoured to Receive
The Different Types of Gift-Giver I recently read Christmas Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, just in time for the holidays. It gave me a lot to think about regarding my own shopping habits. In the book, there are the typical holiday archetypes: the shopaholic, the regifter, the “just buy me my usual aftershave” type, and the eco-conscious. I… Read more
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Book #49- Reflections on “Lost Connections”
Book #49 Lost Connections By Johann Hari Hari’s Relatable Story of Depression For over a decade, Johann Hari struggled with depression. He was told it was due to a chemical imbalance in his brain and that antidepressants were the solution. The dosage steadily grew and so did his struggles with the medication’s symptoms. Yet, things… Read more
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The Long Road to a Split-Second Decision: How Character is Built Before the Moment
The Making of an Impulse Our split-second decisions might feel erratic, but they aren’t random. They are connected to our long-term behaviour. It isn’t an obvious, direct correlation. Sometimes we can surprise ourselves in the moment; we might be overcome with panic, confusion, or another strong emotion. But other times our responses are entirely predictable.… Read more
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A Split-Second Impulse, a Lifetime of Consequences
The Impact of Our Impulses I recently read The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and reflected on the lessons it teaches in my latest post. But something else struck me. In each of the five lessons, one factor played a critical role, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad: the impact of our split-second decisions.… Read more
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An Uncomfortable Pattern in 46 Books
Good & Bad Themes During My Book Reading Challenge Throughout my year-long Reading Challenge, I have intentionally selected books that span a wide range of topics, voices, and experiences. And many positive themes keep appearing- like the importance of self-expression and community. But some disheartening patterns have surfaced too, such as the prevalence of sexual… Read more
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Jekyll & Hyde as a Couple: The Hidden Pattern in Toxic Relationships
Something Familiar About Jekyll & Hyde After reading The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I wrote a blog post exploring three ways the “Hyde” in each of us can appear in modern life. In both that post and Stevenson’s novel, Jekyll and Hyde represent two sides of a single person: Dr. Jekyll is… Read more
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What Shakespeare Understood About the Power & Peril of Imagination
What a Lunatic, Lover, and Poet Have in Common “The lunatic, the lover, and the poetAre of imagination all compact.”1 -Theseus, A Midsummer Night’s Dream This famous line from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream means that lunatics, lovers, and poets are each entirely full of imagination. They don’t see the world as it objectively is, but rather… Read more
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Confused Affections
By all the vows that ever men have broke (In number more than ever women spoke), – Hermia, A Midsummer Night’s Dream A Man Teaches a Girl About Love I was a young teenager when a man forty years older told me: “You just have to tell a girl you love her a thousand times and then she will sleep with you. You don’t even have to mean it.” He was… Read more
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Book #37- Reflections on “By Chance Alone”
Book #37 By Chance Alone By Max Eisen One Book to Represent Them All I have now read my 37th book of my 52-Book Reading Challenge: By Chance Alone by Max Eisen. So far, this challenge has contained books of all different genres: fantasy, memoir, self-help, socio-political, and more. And two themes have come up again and again,… Read more
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Book #35- Reflections on “Woman World”
Book #35 Woman World By Aminder Dhaliwal Book Choices So far in my Book Reading Challenge, I have deliberately read different types of books in succession. For example, a light-hearted romance might be followed by a serious memoir, or a therapy book by a work of science fiction. This variety is intentional. But that is… Read more
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An Anecdote About Social Trends
Changing Relationship Dynamics in Graduate Housing When I did my master’s degree in 2015, I lived in an international residence with 175 other graduate students. In theory, it should have been a wonderful experience. But it wasn’t. There were many strange and dark moments during my time there. A decade later, I was talking to… Read more
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The Terrifying World of Imagination
Imagination is a wonderful thing. It allows us to envision and create ideas before they exist in reality. It is a powerful personal and collective tool. However, imagination can also go awry. All of these imaginings aren’t always good or accurate. Recently, I read Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. It is about a fictional dystopian world… Read more
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Book #33- Reflections on “Ready Player One”
Book #33 Ready Player One By Ernest Cline This book takes place in a dystopian future where personal and collective problems can be ignored by plugging into the OASIS: a virtual reality universe where you can interact with users from all over the world. It has its own timezone, its own currency- which is more… Read more
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The Authentic Path to Forgiveness
“Forgiveness isn’t something you can will yourself to do. It’s a state of mind that comes to you when it’s good and ready. Pressure to forgive puts an unfair burden on a process that can take a lifetime and may never be completed.” – Lindsay C. Gibson, Disentangling From Emotionally Immature People What Love, Trust, &… Read more
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Understanding Values: Why They Don’t Always Mean the Same Thing to Everyone
Comparing Your Values to Others In her book Disentangling From Emotionally Immature People, psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson suggests a simple yet eye-opening exercise: compare your values to that of the emotionally immature person in your life. Doing so might explain why the relationship feels strained or misaligned. I would like to do this, but in a… Read more
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Book #31- Reflections on “Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People”
Book #31 Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People By Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD Disentangling Disentangling isn’t a clean break. It’s slow, deliberate work that often takes years. I have been thinking a lot about that word lately- disentangling– as I take small, steady steps toward healthier relationships and a life that feels like my own. Both the… Read more
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The Hardest Part of Any Goal? The Middle
Midway Discouragement in a 52-Book Reading Challenge This year, I am reading 52 books and documenting how my life improves because of it. I have read 30/52 books so far, which means I am about 60% through this challenge. While this Reading Challenge has been an incredible success, I’ve been slipping into moments of discouragement… Read more