By all the vows that ever men have broke
– Hermia, A Midsummer Night’s Dream
(In number more than ever women spoke),
A Man Teaches a Girl About Love
I was a young teenager when a man forty years older told me:
“You just have to tell a girl you love her a thousand times and then she will sleep with you. You don’t even have to mean it.”
He was grinning, like he had discovered a key to the universe. To him, this phrase was the “open sesame” for a woman’s thighs.
At the time, I didn’t fully understand what sex was, either in a physical or emotional sense. But despite my inexperience, a corrupt seed had been sown- although at the time, I had no way of knowing this.
Encounters like this didn’t just confuse me about sex. They confused me about love– especially the love of a man.
The Confusing Love of Men
That same man would tell me stories like this, and then- without irony- tell me he loved me. He would often shout it for emphasis, as if volume could prove his affection. DON’T YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU! He seemed so angry at my confusion.
But what is the worth of a man’s word if he lies to another but insists he is honest with you?
Is this what the love of a man is supposed to feel like? There was no warmth or stability. No trust. And yet there was apparently… love.
Relearning Love
Words can lose their shape when they are emphasized too much or clash with reality. Extravagant expressions of love can be used to honor or manipulate- sounding the same in both cases.
Now, after life has taught me some hard lessons, when I hear the word love, I listen not for its sound but feel for its weight.
Words spoken in truth have more weight, and yet they are lighter than those spoken through deception. They resonate instead of confuse, and heal instead of wound.
I wish I could go back and tell my younger self this.
Messy Bun Book Lover