Book #15
Maus
By Art Spiegelman
The Importance of Individual’s Stories
I chose a different type of book this time because the last few have been pretty information-heavy. Give me a graphic novel. This book involves some pretty serious content though, and may not be for everyone.
It is an illustrated novel that bounces back and forth from the time it was written to the author’s father’s experience during World War 2. It is a case of exemplary storytelling creativity, which is probably why it is so highly praised.
I think the fact that this story is told in a unique way adds to the feeling that it is an individual’s account of the Holocaust. We all hear of the numbers and stories in general, but much of the individual stories have been lost or never been told. This book tells his father’s story during that time and the aftermath of it through the perspective of those who lived it.
I Love You, But You’re Traumatized
One of the themes of the book, I fear, is a quite common one. That is, a child’s experience with a traumatized and difficult-to-deal-with parent. There is sympathy for what the parent has gone through and still frustration over the ways it shows up in the parent’s personality. The kid can sometimes be on the receiving end of this, which strains their relationship.
One example is Art’s father’s hyper-fixation on money and unwillingness to throw away seemingly useless items.
These are good skills to have during wartime, but can be a source of relationship conflict in times of peace and abundance. Old habits die hard, though. I am sure it is hard to let go of habits that might have saved your life at one point.
Now that I think about it, many of the books I have read by people who survived the Holocaust or those who knew people that did include some of these ingrained quirks that affect them later in life.
The person’s relationship to food can be an example of this.
Either the survivor insists that their child finish their plate, won’t buy what isn’t necessary, or they over-stock the cupboards because food is now abundant and they can afford it or they are afraid of scarcity. Their reactions might be different, but the trauma of hunger was the same.
It made me think… What are the behaviours that I have held onto that helped me in bad times but are hurting me now? Even asking myself that question makes me feel a cringe in my soul because I know these habits exist.
What Are My Own Trauma Habits?
1. Faking Bad
I talked previously about identifying with this term in my blog post titled “Relief in the Realization: I’m Not Alone in Faking Bad”. I had never heard it before reading the book I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Se-hee. Faking good refers to people pretending or believing that their life is better than it is.
Faking bad is the opposite.
It is a conscious or unconscious tendency to downplay the good in your life. It results in pessimism or playing small.
Part of the reason I developed this mental habit was because I did not want to be disappointed. It is a habit that protects a person in the short-term but damages them in the long-run. I am always waiting for things to get better even though they are better now.
I also feel that I took too many risks. I saw myself as more capable than I was in a given moment and I paid the consequences for this elevated self-esteem. Faking bad helps me to have a more humble outlook of myself.
2. Hiding in My Shell
This is definitely related to my faking bad. I don’t want to try new things because I am afraid of failure. So I just play small. But this is a habit I no longer need.
Hiding myself away from the world was good for a time, but there is a massive opportunity cost to doing so. I need to get back out there- try, and yes, fail. And try again.
3. Developing a “Nothing Matters, so Why Bother” Attitude
This is common when people go through an unhealthy situation that they feel they have no control over. It helps them to deal with the capriciousness of the world and others. But it is an incredibly disempowering mentality. It is currently preventing me from rebuilding, planning my life, or asking myself what I want out of life.
4. Pretending I Don’t Have Goals
If you believe you are powerless then you do not attempt to pursue the things that mean the most to you. However, this places a lot of power in other people’s hands. I need to see myself again as worthy enough to pursue things. I am deserving of them even if I have not achieved them yet.
My goals and dreams still exist, even if I am covering my eyes toward them. I might as well admit that.
5. Hyper-Independence
When people are hurt by others they can develop an attitude of: I don’t need anyone else. This is good in the short-term to protect that person from continued harm but devastating in the long-term.
That person will miss out on a lot of amazing people and memories if they hold on to this mentality. I have missed out on so much. I slowly need to open the door in my mind, just a crack, to remember that there are more good people in the world than bad ones and that the benefit of having the good ones in my life is greater than the harm of the bad ones.
I’m not there yet, but I am working on it.
6. Fear of Being Like People I Don’t Like
There is a lot of exposure in the world today. You are exposed to people you like and those you dislike. I think I avoided certain things because I unconsciously associated them with a person or characteristic that I didn’t like. I need to get rid of this and realize that there is room for my own individual energy in there as well. Just because someone else does something a certain way does not mean I will too.
7. Inauthenticity
I have talked previously about the awkwardness of inauthenticity. It can be pretty close to lying. It isn’t something that I want to do, and it involves tiny paper cuts to my spirit every time I don’t speak up when I want to. This can involve me staying quiet about my opinions or experiences if I love something or if something is bothering me. These things mostly just go unsaid.
Now that I am finding my voice and entering environments where I have greater physical and mental safety, I can start talking about what is on my mind more.
This is why art and writing are so important to me these days. They feel authentic.
An Important Story Told in a Unique Way
Spiegelman was able to tell his family’s story his way. But it took decades for his thoughts to formulate; to see his father in a compassionate way, to understand his family history, and to piece together the missing pieces. And in the end, his method often still wasn’t understood even by those closest to him- those he was writing about.
This book is also an excellent example of how those affected by tragedy are not just the ones who lived it. And stories told from that adjacent perspective are valid too. In fact, they deserve to be told in order to grasp how far events can reach- even to those who weren’t directly involved.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on June 1, 2025)
Read Maus by Art Spiegelman → https://amzn.to/3JehSXw
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