Stuck Thinking Things Are Worse Than They Are
I was first introduced to the term “faking bad” in the book I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Sehee.
It refers to a tendency to view yourself as worse off than you actually are. It describes my overall mindset perfectly. I tend to get stuck in a mentality of worst possible outcome and cannot break free from this thinking.
When My Mind Doesn’t Match Reality
Recently, I looked over my old university transcripts and I was surprised how good the grades were. I spent years stressing about my performance while I was in school and years after I had graduated.
Even my sister, who has heard me complain about my difficult academic experience, rolled her eyes when she looked at my good transcripts. She was tired of hearing my anxiety loop.
Why do I do this to myself? And how can I break free from it? Therapy would be a good place to start I’m sure, perhaps cognitive behavior therapy. But for now, I want to think out loud for a bit…
Where Does “Faking Bad” Come From?
I wonder if faking bad often comes from a place of being overwhelmed. It is a feeling of “don’t pass me the ball, I will just mess things up” and so you consciously or unconsciously downplay your skills or abilities.
I miss the days when I was so confident in myself that I knew as soon as someone gave me an opportunity then I would make the most of it. I knew my capabilities.
Where did all that confidence go? It is as if it has been siphoned out of me. I talked about this previously in my blog post entitled “Why Do I Have Low Creative Self-Esteem?”
I think it is a phenomenon in my life that significantly holds me back from happiness and reaching my true potential. So why am I struggling so hard to find the answer to it?
If this knowledge is so important then why is it not widely available? I am sure I am not the only one having this issue. Baek Sehee was struggling with it in her memoir.
In any case, as I am writing about it now and putting a name to it, I feel the oppressive feeling that causes my faking bad to ease up a little. There is relief in the understanding that I am not the only one who experiences it.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on Mar. 24, 2025)
I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Sehee is available here.
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