I Rejected Myself First
I think the reason this blog is so healthy for me is that it is allowing me to catch up to my own thoughts. I often grumble internally about being unappreciated at work or in my relationships, but the first person to reject my value was me.
I was constantly holding my words back and not seizing opportunities. I could feel this tension internally and I think others could sense it externally. They became less willing to give me opportunities if I wasn’t going to seize them, which I suppose is fair enough. And I stopped being seen as unique when I stopped sharing my unique thoughts.
I walked away from the things that I love most for the sake of others. Then I complained about not having any love or passion in my life. This is heartbreaking. So perhaps I will think of new ways to accept myself, instead of rejecting myself. I’ve come up with a list of things that I need to work on:
Ways To Accept Myself in the Future
- Accepting work mistakes by not catastrophizing them and instead learning from them
- Accepting previous relationship mistakes of myself and others
- Admitting confusion or if something is not working
- Being accountable for my words (both spoken and unspoken)
- Seeing my value first, before others need to
- Accepting and enjoying my body how it is, while also forgiving myself for wanting improvement
- Not seeing myself as “less than” because I don’t like a specific part of my body
- A mindset of self-acceptance and also self-improvement
- Accepting all the ways that I didn’t know better
- Forgiving myself for all the times I let other people override what I thought was right
- Admitting what I don’t know while also seeing myself as intelligent
- Acknowledging that these two states can coexist
- Allowing myself to have preferences and exploring what these preferences are
- It is okay for me to decide my own boundaries
- It is okay for me to decide where I want to live
- It is okay for me to decide how I want to express myself
- It is okay for me to decide who I want to surround myself with
- Allowing myself to have my own personality
- Acknowledging genuine influence
- Identifying those that grow and harm me
- Not outwardly overestimating a person’s influence on me to make them happy
- Allowing myself to choose my own mentors and heroes
- Accepting physical symptoms for what they are telling me
- I should probably rethink my relationships with people that give me a constant stomach ache or cause me to sleep poorly
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on June 23, 2025)