A power imbalance isn’t inherently toxic. It only becomes so when it is exploited or when it is intentionally engineered for the purposes of exploitation.
Financial & Emotional Reliance
The first power imbalance that many people experience is that between a parent and child. Parents can give, deprive, or threaten to take away such things as:
- necessities like food and water
- attention and affection
- community
- things important to the child
In her book, Nobody’s Girl, Virginia Roberts Giuffre writes that her father would threaten to take away her favorite horse if she didn’t quietly submit to his abuse.
And since she could not yet support herself financially, her choice was to either put up with things the way they were, or run away, which she did, only to find more abuse.
Again and again her reliance on others was exploited- first by her parents, then caregivers, then at a Juvenile detention facility, then by her employer, and then with Jeffrey Epstein.
According to Virginia, Epstein and Maxwell even had a key requirement when searching for new “recruits”: financial vulnerability. They wanted the girls and women to be enough “on the edge” that they would do what was asked of them in exchange for money.
This way, their desperation would determine their decisions.
However, Virginia acknowledges that she came to not only rely on Epstein financially, but emotionally as well.
“Amid the awfulness, Epstein’s praise had been my main source of self-esteem for so long.”
– Virginia Roberts Giuffre
If Virginia’s positive view of Epstein collapsed, then her entire self-esteem would collapse with it.
Even after she escaped him, she felt like she owed him something.
Just like with her father, she felt guilt over not being grateful enough for the good parts, despite the horrific violence she endured at their hands.
Abusers may cultivate this reliance and guilt in order to keep the victim servile. This cultivated “generosity” makes abusers seem like the “good guy”, and the victim seem like the one who is morally deficient.
That’s why “cultivated generosity” works. It doesn’t need to be generous, it just needs to be the only source available.
Age Difference
Virginia’s reliance on others partly came as a result of just how young she was.
Men who had so much more context for life, opportunities, wealth, and life experiences than Virginia took advantage of not only her vulnerability but also her naiveté.
When they told her how the world worked, she listened. After all, she didn’t know any different. She would have to unlearn their crooked worldviews as she grew older and formed her own opinions.
Starting at 7 years old, she came to believe that old men liked touching young girls, when her father and a family friend began taking advantage of her.
Later, in what she considered her first “empowered” sexual relationship (one where she believed she was asserting herself) Virginia was still in middle school, while she believes the older boy was a senior in high school.
At the time, she didn’t question why someone so much older would sexualize a scrawny kid just entering her teenage years. Instead, she just believed this meant she was mature for her age. The age difference didn’t go unnoticed, it was just reinterpreted as a compliment.
Later, when she was sexually abused and trafficked by a Miami “Modelling Agent”, she was 15 and he was 63- more than 4 times her age. He rode in a limo and she couldn’t afford lunch.
And when she met Jeffrey Epstein, she was 16, and he was 47.
Why did so many men show such interest in a young girl?
Each of these men had taught her to read predation as attention, and interpret their affection as proof of her own worth.
Yet still, Epstein wanted more than Virginia could “give” him.
She writes that Epstein preferred girls with little to no sexual experience.
“Many victims have described how he seemed to enjoy watching inexperienced girls suffer the discomfort of being introduced to sex by him, an older stranger. Because I’d been sexually abused before meeting him, I could never give him that satisfaction.”
– Virginia Roberts Giuffre
Predators crafted what seemed “normal” for these young girls, and a large age gap helped them achieve this. The children were blank slates and the predators became the architects of their reality.
Obligation of Service
Another power imbalance comes from the obligation of service, which is when a person is professionally or legally required to serve another in some way.
Virginia first met Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein when they were clients at Mar-a-Lago, where she worked.
She describes her reaction to meeting Maxwell first- there was no fear or sense of self-protection. Instead, Virginia’s first instinct was to smile like she was told to smile and serve her tea.
When Maxwell brought up the opportunity to massage a wealthy patron, Virginia- instead of sensing an imminent trap- was afraid she gave off the wrong impression of her skills because she had been reading an anatomy book from the library. Her fear wasn’t of danger, it was in regard to her own behavior.
She was self-monitoring herself while she was being hunted.
When Virginia tried to decline the offer based on her lack of experience, Maxwell insisted. And later that day, she arrived at Epstein’s mansion “eager to be punctual”.
Soon, they became her new employer and for the next two years, it was her job to do “whatever they asked whenever they asked it”.
Later, when Epstein started to traffic Virginia out to clients, he told her that she was his emissary and that how she behaved reflected on him. He said she should give the men whatever they want, and that it was important for her to uphold his reputation.
Over time, her obligation of service had been weaponized and contorted into something sinister; hospitality turned into obedience. The role became a path to mistreatment.
Manipulating someone’s obligation of service is a way of keeping them trapped in servitude, feeling pressured to fulfill others’ requests, and with a sense of moral failure if they deny. And it gives predators a sense that they can do whatever they want, because subordinates have little choice but to accept it. After all, disappointing the boss comes with heavy consequences.
Social Pressure
Sometimes a power imbalance isn’t clearly based on hierarchy, it is subtly reinforced socially.
If a person is not allowed to question things or rock the boat without getting ostracized and blacklisted, then there is an unhealthy power imbalance.
A person with immense social capital, like Epstein, can leverage and weaponize his network. He would regularly offer young girls and women a foot in the door and connections to people in their field of interest- art, modelling, acting, etc., but this network can turn on a dime. If you don’t do what they want, suddenly you may be blacklisted from the entire community.
Epstein also weaponized his social connections when he was being investigated. Predators protected one another.
One way that they did this was by using language to recast victims as opportunistic sluts and prostitutes.
It took survivors years- decades- of trying to get people to listen to the fact that children are not prostitutes for grown men. They are victims.
But that is largely due to the power of language and Epstein’s social reach. He and his associates controlled the narrative for so long.
That is one reason why Virginia’s memoir is so important. She finally gets to tell her story in her own words.
Unknown Territory
Another way to create a power imbalance is to take people out of their usual environment and into one cultivated for harm. This way, victims are away from support networks, and in an unfamiliar area. Once there, it may be difficult to escape.
These may be physically isolated places, like Epstein’s island on Little St. James, Zorro Ranch, his airplanes, etc. full of barriers to escape. At least one woman even tried to swim away to escape his island.
But other times, these locations were isolating for other reasons.
Virginia often travelled with Epstein and Maxwell, and when she did, she didn’t have possession of her passport.
Epstein would also often select victims who could not speak English.
The modelling agent, Ron Eppinger, was the same.
In her book, Virginia writes that Epstein once laughed about their inability to communicate saying “they are the easiest girls to get along with.”
Epstein cultivated situations where there were many barriers to his victims accessing outside help- physical, social, linguistic, etc.
So even if the victims knew just how much danger they were in, they couldn’t leave these places- so they felt forced to comply.
Predators Engineer Their Desired Outcome
Whether the power imbalance came from age, finances, employment, social status, language, or isolation, the pattern remained the same. Power became a tool for limiting choice. The more dependent Virginia was, the easier it was for others to define her reality, demand her compliance, and make escape seem impossible.
Her abuse didn’t happen as isolated incidents- it thrived in an intentionally-built system where saying “no” was incredibly difficult and often felt pointless.
Messy Bun Book Lover
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