Do Others Know Me Best?
During my year of self-improvement, I am reassessing the relationships in my life. In doing so, I have noticed a certain kind of person who says statements along the lines of: “I know you better than you know yourself”.
I never really thought about how violating this phrase is. I would hear it, often from well-meaning people, but then I would immediately disagree with whatever they said next. Such as “I know you better than you know yourself, and this career-move isn’t for you,” or “I know you better than you know yourself, and you wouldn’t like living here.”
I trusted these people at the time. After all, they knew me so well. Why shouldn’t I trust them? But now I see the red flags and hubris in that statement. Does any emotionally healthy person think that they know another person better than that person knows themself?
I don’t want anybody in my life who assumes this authority over me. Because they are so often wrong. They are often projecting what they want onto me as I try to mousily tell them that I would like something different.
In intimate relationships, this often shows up as “I know you like it”. These are the type of people who tell you what you like and never actually ask you what you like.
I now see this as a red flag that the relationship and your well-being are going in a bad direction. It is an early warning sign that you are off course. The problem is, I still have people like this in my life now. I can’t get away from them. One example is family. You might always have a parent who assumes they know you best, so it likely isn’t an issue of avoidance but rather management/ boundaries.
Do I Know Others Best?
I am also considering the ways that I think I know others best. A lot of this happens unconsciously, I would guess. Part of the reason I even had this epiphany was that I realized how insane it is to say the phrase “I know you better than you know yourself” to someone- when that someone is often in that very moment disagreeing with the person saying that phrase. But I think this assumption can happen in more subtle ways, like in the form of biases.
I don’t want to assume that I know what people want.
Also, social media gives us the false belief that we know people who we have never met. I want to be careful with any assumptions that I know someone better than they know themself in a digital space as well.
Does Technology Know Us Best?
And, with respect to a digital world: does a company know us better than we know ourselves if they have our data? Sometimes products are suggested to me that speak to a desire that I haven’t even realized or spoken yet. Is predicting and curating our behavior the same as knowing us?
Whether it’s a person or a machine, anyone who claims to know you risks silencing the only voice that truly matters- your own.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on July 2, 2025)