The Ethics of Telling Your Story Online
I recently told my sister about my blog. She had been mildly curious over what I was doing each day when I went to the library to read or write blog posts; so I told her about it. It was a bit awkward since some of the things I say are so personal, and I have briefly mentioned her.
I have been going back and forth in my mind over what is appropriate to share about my life. I want to tell my stories but what happens when those stories include other people? Who has the right to tell the story? Everyone? No one? I try not to include personal or private details as much as possible. I want to tell these stories but to do so in an ethical way.
At the beginning of my Reading Challenge, I read the book Hate Follow by Erin Quinn-Kong. It is about a blogger mother fighting with her daughter over what content should be shared about their lives. Originally, I was probably closer to the daughter’s opinion of the situation that nothing personal or private should be shared, especially about children who are too young to consent.
However, the topic of each of us telling our own stories becomes complicated because we are all so interconnected. I do not want to tell someone that they don’t have the right to tell their story. And I don’t want anyone to tell me that I can’t fully tell my story either.
I still believe that personal stories should generally not be shared about people who are too young to consent. However, I realize there is nuance.
Below, I have created some examples of scenarios where people tell their stories or speak on behalf of others either in-person or online. These are theoretical and purely for the sake of thinking out loud. Like I said, I haven’t even decided what my opinions are on this subject yet.
When is it Right to Tell Your Story or Speak on Others’ Behalf?
Example 1
A parent never learned to say “I love you” to their kids so the oldest child tells the youngest child how much the parent loves them
- The oldest child is speaking for the parent and putting words in their mouth, but is that a bad thing in this example?
- If you were the parent would you be happy about your eldest child speaking for you?
Example 2
An aging pastor accused of abusing young people does not want potential victims to speak out because he wants the right to his own story
- Even if the accused wishes for his story to remain private or in his own words, does he have that right?
- Stories will undoubtedly share personal or private details of the pastor and victims, but is there a cost to not sharing these stories?
- When do people get a right to their privacy and personal details and when do they forfeit that?
- To expand on this example, what if one of the victims passes away and someone knows the secret. Does that person have a right or responsibility to tell that story? For the sake of the deceased victim? To protect future victims?
- This example suggests to me that people have a right to their narrative, but not a right to having the only narrative
Example 3
Your grandma is an alcoholic. It has affected you for your whole life and it has affected her son who is your father for his whole life. You choose not to drink alcohol because you have seen the effect it can have on an individual and family
- Do you have the right to talk about this topic online?
- Will being quiet about it mean that generational curses continue?
- What if your father encourages you not to talk about it because he wants to protect her?
- Is it appropriate to share grandma’s secret?
Example 4
A couple goes through a messy divorce but one partner has a bigger online platform
- Do their stories get the same weight? Is each person free to tell their side of the story equally?
- Does each person deserve an equal opportunity to share their side of the story?
Example 5
A daughter wins a sports meet. The daughter does not want her mom to post about it on social media even though the mother drove her to the tournament, made snacks for her team, and devoted a large amount of time to this event
- Should the mother say anything online?
The Need for Continued Examination
These examples vary in their seriousness, however each is complex and nuanced. They are giving me context on where my moral comfort level is with nonfictional storytelling. It varies in each situation and my thoughts on this subject are certainly not fully formed.
I feel like this issue is a combination of two topics that I take very seriously:
- Boundaries and privacy
- Everyone having the space and ability to tell their own story
Perhaps I will keep doing exercises like this so I keep up with my evolving thoughts on the morality of storytelling.
Do you have any insights or a mental rulebook for telling stories about others online?
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on July 1, 2025)