Book #20
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
By Mark Manson
Good Recommendation, Ms.
Funnily enough, this book was recommended to me by a very spiritual, church-loving senior citizen. That intrigued me. If the language wasn’t enough to scare her off, then maybe there is something to it.
Even after getting just a few pages in, I am loving how honest and blunt this book is. I have had to mince my words and hide my genuine opinion on so many things in recent years that it is nice to hear someone talk honestly. Addressing problems from a place of honesty is how they get solved, pretending everything is fine is just a slow-simmer to a life that you don’t enjoy.
The Backwards Law
One thing that Manson made me realize is that I might’ve hit a snag called the Backwards Law by Alan Watts. It refers to the tendency for the things we want to slip away the more we try to grasp them.
For this blog and this year of self-improvement, I am focusing heavily on the things that I should do to improve my life. That is making me notice problems with my life more. I’m still happy to focus on these things because doing so gives me clarity, I just don’t want to get lost in my “need” for self-improvement. I am not a broken puzzle that needs to be solved. I am just a woman trying to live her best life. Ahh. Peaceful and liberating.
I do this a lot with my creativity as well. I focus my attention on the absence of ideas or progress, which just reinforces this reality in my mind. Perhaps I should stop seeing myself as someone who “struggles with creativity” and instead see myself as someone who “creates all the time”, even unintentionally. Even my blog posts where I muse about my creative struggles are, in fact, a creative act.
Deciding What to Give A F*ck About
I am guilty of caring too much about everything then disassociating because doing so is obviously overwhelming.
Caring about everything isn’t realistic and it is probably disingenuous. I don’t want to see myself as someone who doesn’t care about others, so I care superficially. But in order to fully say yes to things, I have to fully say no to other things. I have to learn that this is okay and is the path to a happy life filled with your own personal values.
I think this book is also touching on a common phenomena in the modern world, albeit in a crass way.
Basically, with social media, it can dictate what we give a f*ck about. Do you genuinely care about your coworkers trip to Disney? The salad that your brother ate for lunch and then posted on Instagram? Probably not. Do you care about some mommy vlogger’s kids competing in a cheer contest? Meh. But it gets our attention.
However, there is a difference between giving our attention to things and caring about them. We have a limited amount of mental and emotional bandwidth in a day. Do I really want to waste it caring about things that I deep down really don’t care about?
4 Areas That Are Sucking My Energy
Four areas that I know are getting far too much of my superficial attention are:
- Interactions with random strangers
- I can ruminate a lot about these instead of doing something actually productive
- My perceived problems/ failures
- Even if I do good work, I find things to critique or I believe other people are looking to critique it. It is an endless, pointless, unproductive loop
- The opinions of toxic people… even if they hurt me or others
- There is a difference between holding people accountable and letting them drag you down to their level
- Details of strangers’ lives on the internet
- Do I really care? No.
If I was able to stop giving a f*ck about these, that would free up a lot of mental and emotional bandwidth for other values.
Finding Something More Important to Give A F*ck About
I need to find something more important to give a f*ck about. That way I won’t ruminate over little things. I won’t create problems where none exist. Right now, I am uninspired in my work and relationships. That leaves a lot of space for the mind to wander.
But okay, I know this is a problem but how do I solve it? How do I find that bigger thing to genuinely put my heart and mind toward? I don’t want to just be throwing darts at a dart board. I want to genuinely give a f*ck about it, not just theoretically or out of boredom or obligation.
Manson gives the solution to this by suggesting to just get started. Don’t wait for motivation. Take action and the inspiration and motivation will follow.
Make Your Own Meaning
When I started this blog I was burnt out but also overwhelmed. I needed something different in my life to sink my teeth into. That is how I began this 2025 Reading Challenge of reading 52 books. I just needed to do something. Anything.
At the beginning, I was motivated enough to take on this challenge, but not motivated enough to address larger issues in my life. But the more I started reading and writing, the more ideas began to come, the more confident I felt in myself, and the more passionate I felt when I woke up each morning. This challenge isn’t a magic bullet to solve all of my life’s problems, but it is helping get me on my way.
Similarly, physical pain has meant I have slipped out of the habit of physical exercise. I didn’t like how infirm I was feeling though, and told myself: just run on the treadmill for 5 minutes a day, at any pace. That’s it.
I started to feel good about myself and after a few months of that I began to increase my distance, which meant I had to take days off to rest. My point is though, I was less motivated when I started than I am now. All I had to do was start.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on June 15, 2025)
Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson → https://amzn.to/3IQtwrE
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