Book #16
The Mountain Is You
By Brianna Wiest
“When we self-sabotage, it is often because we have a negative association between achieving the goal we aspire to and being the kind of person who has or does that thing.”
– Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You
Hmmm okay, interesting. Let me think about this. I know there are definitely ways that I am self-sabotaging myself but I have not thought to make any association between my perspective and my life outcomes. So let me try brainstorming a bit with the ways I self-sabotage myself…
Financial
Negative Association: Financial Harm
I did not have to think for long about where my negative associations with money might come from.
There is a person in my life who is irresponsible with money: they were given a lot, spend it poorly, complain often about not having enough, and rely heavily on others for help.
It took a lot of people working very hard for decades to fuel this person’s quality of life.
I’ve seen the ways money can be used as a weapon or bandaid. Money doesn’t solve all problems; in fact, sometimes it just encourages bad behaviour and delays solutions to underlying problems.
After all, money can protect good people, but it can also protect bad ones.
Positive Association: Stability, Responsibility, & Generosity
In the hands of kind people, money can do a lot of good. Money can provide:
- safety and stability
- time and space for self-expression
- quality time with loved ones
- time for rest and rejuvenation
- a positive legacy
The value it can bring can spread throughout a person’s family, community, and the world at large. Wealthy people have the freedom to be generous toward the people and topics that they care about most.
Career
Negative Association: Abuses of Power
It is possible for influential people to use their professional power to harm others and uphold toxic systems.
I think each time I came across a person like this, it chipped away at my desire to have an influential career. I didn’t want to be like them, so I became a starving artist.
I really miss having a career, though.
My ambition used to be one of the hallmarks of my personality, now I just “don’t care”. I don’t take opportunities or put myself out there. I don’t want to be in charge of anybody because maybe I will abuse that power like others do.
Positive Association: Positive Power & Influence
Professional power can be used for good.
There is a difference between tyrannical management and nourishing leadership. Hierarchy and influence can benefit everyone involved: boss, employee, client, customer, everyone. It shouldn’t be a zero-sum game. Everyone can and should win.
Sociability
Negative Association: Transactional Socializing
I don’t want to have to contort myself in order to fit in anywhere. I also don’t want my relationships to be transactional. Follower counts, beauty, power, or networking potential shouldn’t influence who I am associated with- or who wants to be associated with me.
I fear exposure because I don’t want attention, which means I downplay my personality online and in public. I don’t want to have a lot of what other people want, because that harmed me before.
Positive Association: Enriching Relationships
I am not looking for social trades in my relationships, but I am looking for a certain level of healthy reciprocity.
Instead of being depleting, relationships should be enjoyable. Besides, loneliness can make you vulnerable too.
The right people will love you for exactly who you are. They will help you to become the best version of yourself and will support your uniqueness and dreams- and you will do the same for them. Relationships are one of the most enjoyable aspects about being human.
Beauty
Negative Association: Beauty Potentially Making Me Unsafe
Sometimes being beautiful brings unwanted attention. It can also cause you to not be taken seriously at work. I started to believe it was better to be “plain” than to stand out for my looks.
Positive Association: Appreciation of Beauty
I love beautiful things- flowers, landscapes, buildings, people, and ideas.
I like the feeling of getting “lost” in something beautiful, even if that thing is myself.
Self-appreciation is healthy, so is appreciating the unique beauty of others. Discovering what you find beautiful is personal to you, it does not need to be imposed by the outside world, it just has to produce that feeling of awe.
Home Ownership
Negative Association: Homes Are Unhappy Places
I grew up in what was for many years an unhappy home. I don’t want to cultivate that kind of space for another to go to.
Positive Association: Homes Are Nourishing Places
Homes can be places of love, warmth, security, and rest. It allows you to enjoy closeness with those around you and feel rooted. Everyone deserves a happy place to call home.
Taking Up Space
Negative Association: Taking Up Space is Bad
People sometimes dominate spaces at the expense of others. They only seem happy when they are the most important person in the room.
Positive Association: Taking Up Space is Good
It is possible to be your full self and not minimize others by doing so.
All people should have the freedom to pursue their dreams and be whoever they want to be. We can all be better off for sharing a space and having ownership and influence over it. We can positively influence one another in the same space.
Health
Negative Association: Physical Strength Can Harm Yourself or Others
Expectations are higher when you have physical abilities. This can lead to over-extension and burnout.
Physical strength can also be used to intimidate or bully others.
Positive Association: Health and Physical Fitness Are Blessings
Health is a blessing. It gives you greater freedom to enjoy a wider range of activities. When you have good health, you get to choose your physical challenges, whereas if you are struggling with chronic illness, for example, many of your physical challenges get chosen for you. Good health can also support a longer, happier life.
Intelligence
Negative Association: Self-Righteous Intellectual Superiority
Some people find comfort in seeing themselves as “smart” and other people as “dumb”. They feel that way- but it might not even be true. They are just looking for ways to soothe their own insecurity.
Observing this behaviour in others has caused me to downplay my own intelligence. I don’t want to pretend I’m smarter than anyone else.
Besides, the smarter you are, the greater your ability to consciously manipulate others. I went through a bit of a personal crisis when I realized that all smart people aren’t good people.
Positive Association: Intelligence as Virtuous
It is okay for me to admit my intelligence in positive ways. Doing so demonstrates a healthy sense of confidence and knowledge in my own abilities. It also acknowledges the amount of effort I have put into deepening my knowledge.
Having smart people in high roles in society is a good thing. Those who produce good work can help a wide range of people. Skill and intelligence are also great ways to get to know someone’s values based on what areas they put their mind toward, such as medicine, science, equality, art, etc.
Confronting My Untrue Beliefs
I am not saying that these negative associations are true or that I even agree with them, just that as Wiest says, I picked up a negative belief somewhere along the way.
It was clarifying to write all of this down. You start to see how silly some of these negative associations are.
Perhaps I will print this post out and have it ready anytime I catch myself not wanting something that I know deep down I would like. I can start to rewire my feelings about these subjects little by little.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on June 6, 2025, edited Jan. 2026)
Read The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest.
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