Learning to Interpret Bad Behavior
I have now written several blog posts about the book There is No Ethan by Anna Akbari. It is a true story of catfishing. Although I have begun to read my next book for my 2025 Book Reading Challenge, my mind keeps coming back to this story.
In my own life, I have unfortunately had a similar situation. Not one that began online, but rather in-person. It has disrupted my life to an enormous extent and is something that I am trying to work through in my year-long challenge of healing and self-improvement.
Confusion as a Sign of Toxicity
Something I want to focus this blog post on is the dizzying disorientation that comes from surrounding yourself with people who mislead you or others. This is a significant roadblock to my healing.
I have discussed previously about the extremes of depression and how that indefinable state of nothingness is perhaps the worst manifestation of depression because it lacks direction.
Having toxic relationships can be both a symptom and a cause of this.
Books on dealing with narcissists often talk about a victim having brain fog. We aren’t accustomed to interpreting the behavior of someone manipulating us. The wild swings in their behavior cause us to hesitate out of a sense of confusion, which benefits the perpetrator.
When I witness the behavior of people like that in my own life, I get the mental feeling of sticking a metal fork in a light socket. My brain and emotions are fried from the shock. This shock is chronic though, not instantaneously over with which opens the door for further issues and abuse.
Learning to Move Past Bad Behavior
I need to figure out how to move past this. I have been reading more books on narcissism lately (and will likely read many throughout this reading challenge) and it has helped immensely. It has given me a road map into the mind of people who I do not initially understand. This has increased my confidence and courage to live my life again.
Before, I was too scared to do much out of fear that I would find myself in a similar situation. Now I have more trust that I will recognize red flags early and disentangle myself before things get bad.
Toxic relationships are not a fun thing to talk about. But I think teaching people to recognize abuse in their relationships is essential. I have begun to have much healthier relationships and I cannot stress the difference it has made to my happiness and overall well-being.
Relationships should be fun! They should always make you a better person. I wish I would have never been convinced that toxicity was normal or acceptable.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on Apr. 14, 2025)
To read more thoughts on There is No Ethan by Anna Akbari, you can follow these links:
- #8 Reflections on “There is No Ethan”
- Recognizing Abuse Online is Hard
- Why Do Smart People Get Scammed?
- Why is it Always a Health Crisis?
- When Intelligence Meets Manipulation
- Conveniently Timed Sorry’s
- How Many Blog Posts Can I Write About a Single Book?
There is No Ethan by Anna Akbari is available here.
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