Book #8- Reflections on “There Is No Ethan”

Book #8

There Is No Ethan

By Anna Akbari

In this book, three women team up to find the person who has mutually catfished them. It is a wild ride. It speaks to the chaos, disingenuousness, and danger that the internet can bring.

The women met their internet sweetheart on an online dating site. However, this deception can occur not just on dating sites, but also on sites like Facebook, Snapchat, or LinkedIn.

My Strained Relationship With the Digital World

I used to have social media. A Facebook account, Instagram, LinkedIn, Snapchat but one by one I got rid of these. First by limiting who can see each profile, then pausing or deleting the account entirely.

I still use Snapchat. But I only ever message one person: my sister. Mostly I just send her updates on what her favourite squirrel (the one with the white tail) is up to in the yard. We also have a lifetime of inside jokes that we will send back and forth. It’s fun. But it is also quite contained and private. We send messages over Snapchat that seem to lack enough content or importance to put into an actual text message.

But I would get messages on all of these platforms from random people. Some were clearly spam but it was harder to tell with others. I had a growing unease about the authenticity and intention of all the users on the apps.

Does Authenticity Exist Online Anymore?

A few days ago, I glimpsed my sister’s Facebook account. I deactivated my Facebook account about seven years ago and have been happier since. When I saw her Facebook newsfeed I was glad I no longer had an account of my own. It was full of advertisements, the fever dream thoughts of distant relatives, and the mundane daily activities of people she or I were never particularly close with. It wasn’t personal anymore, it was chaotic and neurotic.

When I first joined Facebook around 2009 I was 18 years old. The site was much more visually subdued back then; now it feels over-stimulating. In those days, you were only Facebook friends with people you knew. You could match a name to a face to a personality. There were no filters. Photos were often blurry, off-center, or with various other “flaws” by today’s standards. In those days, I did not consciously think to edit or curate my profile. It was unpolished.

In the early days of Facebook (or Twitter or any other social media site) people are often incredibly unfiltered. Old tweets or Facebook statuses can tarnish entire careers and reputations if discovered years later. I think the fact that we have somewhat collectively matured from posting our unfiltered thoughts is a really good thing. There is definite growth in our society as we have realized we should probably think before we post. But now, things feel a little too edited. It doesn’t feel real. It is all some sort of performance. Nothing feels trustworthy.

Life After Leaving Social Media

As well, many of us have slipped into a state of being chronically online. Back in 2009 I would make a status update to my 300 Facebook friends and would walk away for several hours or days at a time. Now, I can feel my pocket buzz and see every new comment or like as it flashes across my screen. It is never ending.

And so I got rid of it. Phew. All is well… or is it? Even though I am not on social media these days, I feel the effects of it daily. I feel it in the way people I know get angered by a stranger’s comment that they read online. I feel it in people’s world views. I feel it in the volatile way we talk to each other. I am not above any of these issues even though I don’t have social media. I am just getting the effects of it secondhand, but that doesn’t mean these effects aren’t real.

And so this book made me reflect deeper on the long-reach of technology and the real-world consequences of our digital lives. When should digital trust be freely given and when should it be withheld? Because giving others our online trust can either enrich or harm us based on the intentions of the person on the other side of the screen. And their ability to gain closeness and access to your life is greater than ever.

Messy Bun Book Lover

To read more thoughts on There is No Ethan by Anna Akbari, you can follow these links:

There is No Ethan by Anna Akbari is available here.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend books and tools that I truly love.