Forcing Forgiveness Just Causes More Problems
While reading Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein, I noticed a pit in my stomach anytime she talked about forgiveness. Overall, I have an upbeat disposition but forgiveness feels like a thorn in my side. I am not ready to do that yet.
Also, I think so often people feel pressured to forgive that they do it out of coercion and not free choice. In fact forgiveness is probably one of the most manipulated emotions.
How often do victims get asked to forgive their perpetrators because it is “the right thing to do”? I know I was often asked to forgive people who showed no signs of remorse and were extremely likely to repeat the offence to me or someone else.
Why was I asked to forgive in those circumstances? And why did I do so? Or at least say I did?
Sometimes Forgiveness is Empowering, Sometimes Withholding Forgiveness is Empowering
I think all these instances of compelled forgiveness are causing a block for me now.
I don’t want to forgive. I don’t want to pretend to forgive. I want to be angry… and yet I want to be peaceful. I want healing.
I am still tossing around the idea of forgiveness in my mind. I would certainly love to move on with my life and be the best version of myself, which is something that can only happen if I am healed.
I don’t know the answer to forgiveness yet. Maybe it is in baby steps. If I can heal this pit in my stomach this year, I would be really grateful for that. I will keep an eye out for clues in my next books how to do this.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on Mar. 16, 2025)