Book #28
Rest is Resistance
By Tricia Hersey
When Life Forces You to Slow Down
A recent stress-induced trip to the emergency room made me question my relationship with productivity, as did the previous book in my reading challenge. That is how I found Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. My body was making it clear that something needed to change.
I have had ongoing health issues for years, during which, I tried to will myself to leap out of bed and get better. But I could never force my body to do that. At the time, I felt my body wouldn’t cooperate, now I can see that it was begging for rest.
My Dysfunctional Relationship With Rest
I was never taught to rest. I was taught that doing more is always better, no matter how unhealthy or unsustainable it is. I was rewarded externally for doing more, despite my growing internal exhaustion. Hard work was celebrated, never questioned.
However, I think questioning the work we do and who we are doing it for will be essential to living a long-term, healthy life. Questioning the nature of work isn’t really taught in schools or families, because those who question it make worse employees and less obedient children.
My (Also) Dysfunctional Relationship With Work
But I think the nature of work probably needs some reframing. Work in and of itself isn’t inherently bad. A lot of people like work- it gives purpose and a chance to show your skills to the world. There is honour and meaning in it. Rewarding work is a joy, exploitative work is a burden.
An author writes because they enjoy it, a mother often loves caring for children, etc. It is just when these things are expected to be given in limitless quantities for hardly any return that we run into problems.
A hard life lesson I have learned in adulthood is that hard work doesn’t equal success. You can work very hard running into a wall repeatedly. But that will only cause pain and won’t get you anywhere. There is no honor in it.
But I wasn’t taught to discern the nature of effort. A “hard day’s work” was something I should be proud of, regardless of its benefit. I believed it was normal to always be on the brink of collapse. And when you are there, then you must will yourself to do more. If you can’t, then you are weak or lazy.
No thought was ever on my mind or others’ how an exhausted person got to be that way (*cough through hard work). Would a lazy person ever reach such a state of exhaustion?
I don’t want to be constantly teetering on the edge of exhaustion or another health crisis. No wonder I got sick in the first place. That is no way to live. You miss out on a lot of life’s beauty and vigor when you are exhausted. You are just a zombie, not fully participating in life but just going through the motions. There is also a belief that hard work will help you achieve what you are most capable of, and that is likely true. But exhaustion won’t.
So, how do I shift this mindset in myself and cultivate a healthier attitude toward work for my future family? These are a few things that I will consider.
Cultivating a Healthier Mindset- For Me & My Future Family
1. Respect the Limits of All Family Members
I want to deeply absorb the belief that our bodies are gifts, not something to be used and abused. You should not feel physically used up by the end of your life. You should feel physically whole and happy. The limits of your mind and body are not something to be ashamed of, but rather grateful for. They are warning us when we are doing too much or trying to get us to question the nature of the work. Who is being served by it? Likely not you.
I think people flinch at this topic because they equate rest with laziness- I know I get this wrong. I want myself and those around me to know that they deserve to be well rested; that being so makes them their best self.
That is the difference between rest and laziness. When you are well rested, you become a better version of yourself. When you are lazy, you become a lesser version.
2. Listen Genuinely When People Express These Limits
This is a litmus test for toxicity. If a person or group does not respect the physical limits of others, then someone is being taken advantage of. In healthy systems, people want to respect your limits. In toxic ones, they don’t want you to express your limits and don’t listen to you if you do. They will just replace you with someone newer and fresher (and more desperate) when you can no longer perform your task.
3. Question Systems Overall Instead of Immediately Defaulting to Individual Blame
I will admit, it has been a little tough to read this book. I had to read it in small doses because it is the opposite of what I had been taught all my life. Having to confront that is no easy task. Especially when the people who taught you this mindset- one that does not value your limits or comfort- are people that you love. They have internalized the “hard work solves all” mindset and passed it on. How do I reconcile my love for them and my disapproval of their entire ethos?
I am not afraid of hard work, but I do not see it as the solution to everything. If a person is dying, for example, can they solve their problems by just working harder? Just working hard is a blunt tool for solving a wide variety of life’s problems.
The people in my life who have this mindset absorbed it from others, though. Often I find they feel that they have no right to rest- like I did, or that their value to others primarily comes from hard work.
And that is how toxic beliefs get passed on. I do not want to pass this mentality on, though. I want those around me to feel comfortable questioning the culture at large- that it is their duty to themselves and others to do so.
4. Honour the Fact That Family Members’ Value Does Not Come Entirely From Hard Work
You can serve your loved ones through more ways than hard work; through your interests, personality, imagination, and emotional regulation. You can be an example of how you would like them to value and care for themselves. Each family member can define their own dreams and personal metrics for success.
There is so much more to the value a person can bring to the world than just their hard work. I want each person to know that they deserve an inner peaceful state that is just for them, that the outside world has no right to. They are allowed to just sit. They are allowed to daydream. They are allowed to express feelings of exhaustion- and that it is healthy to do so; that communication will be rewarded, not punished.
I still really enjoy hard work. It helps a person define who they are, but I will try to absorb this rest-conscious mindset as well. I know I have slipped into a toxic sense of hard work, and it has impacted my quality of life immensely. I will try to rest more. To be at ease in my body and surroundings. To stand up for my limits, not judge them. And to celebrate what my body is capable of and not take advantage of what it can do.
Unlearning this will take time and hard work. It is a marathon, not a sprint. But hopefully, with each hour of rest I get, I will expand my imagination and physical capability to live happily, in a new way.
What would your life look like if you honored your limits rather than resented them?
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on July 23, 2025)
Read Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey → https://amzn.to/47i5yh6
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