Book #48
The Five People You Meet in Heaven
By Mitch Albom
A Cynic Tries to Keep an Open Mind
I have fallen out of love with spiritual books in the past few years.
I find that books like that can be shiny and simplistic, and maybe even unintentionally harmful.
They often praise virtue without equally praising restraint and boundaries. Rarely do they teach that:
- Generosity can turn into over-giving
- Self-sacrifice can be weaponized
- Putting others first often turns into putting yourself last
- Forgiveness can be social pressure and lack of consequences masquerading as holiness
- Comforting others can actually be placating or deluding them
The road to hell can be paved with good intentions, as they say. And rarely does spirituality acknowledge this.
So, I was unsure how I would respond to The Five People You Meet in Heaven, but I wanted to grow my perspective and challenge my beliefs. It seemed like the perfect book for that- simple in the best sense, beloved by many, and thought-provoking.
This post will contain spoilers, but it will be less of a book review and more of a personal reckoning. In it, I will attempt to peek through my cynicism to see the lessons that Albom intends.
Lesson 1: We Are All Connected
When the main character, Eddie, was a young boy, he ran out onto a road to fetch his ball. A man driving a car swerved to avoid him, but that man’s adrenaline strained his heart and he crashed and died.
Eddie goes about his day, and even begrudgingly attends the man’s funeral, not knowing the role he played in it.
Nearly 80 years later, when Eddie meets the man in heaven, he is shocked to learn of this tragic twist of events. And even more surprised that the man isn’t mad at him.
He learns that we are all connected- in ways that we don’t even realize or intend.
In fact, Eddie is humbled by each of the five people he meets in heaven. Some he knew intimately, others he had never met before. Yet, each played a role in shaping his life- just as he had played a role in shaping the lives of others.
I think, for me, I had slipped into the habit of thinking that life is formulaic- a leads to b in a logical way. But life isn’t like that.
So much of our impact isn’t plain or easily understood.
Like a rock being thrown from a great height into a lake. The meaning of our lives isn’t about the splash we make, it’s about the ripples.
And maybe most of us will never know the full extent of these.
Lesson 2: Sacrifice Has Purpose (Even if it Didn’t Achieve the Desired Result)
I know this is where much of my cynicism comes from. Self-sacrifice unfortunately turned into being taken advantage of.
When you are willing to consistently give to others, you start to attract people who will exploit this. The nobility of sacrifice then turns into something grotesque and unintended. And it becomes the reason you are depleted, resentful, and watching your own dreams wither.
This bitterness only deepens when the sacrifice didn’t even work. When the person or concept you gave yourself up for falls apart anyway.
It makes you wonder: what is it all for?
Eddie meets his old army Captain in heaven- a man who died while helping his men escape captivity. He also permanently injured Eddie.
Eddie lost his mobility that day, but the Captain lost his life.
However, instead of regret, the Captain expresses gratitude. Although he died, his sacrifice allowed him to be the person he wanted to be: one that protects his men at all costs.
Eddie had no idea that was how the Captain had died. Yet he had lived a long life thanks to that sacrifice.
Perhaps sacrifice isn’t meaningless; its effects are often just obscured.
Sacrifice shouldn’t be romanticized, but carefully considered. There is no ethical absolutism to it, which is why I think it reveals a lot about a person. Whether it is made slowly over time or in the spur-of-the-moment, it lays bare a great deal about a person’s inner world, their beliefs, and what they value.
This story did soften my perspective on sacrifice. Even when it costs you a lot and doesn’t land properly.
Lesson 3: Forgiveness
Much like sacrifice, the complexity- and danger- of forgiveness is often minimized. So, I get nervous when someone gives the ol’ “forgiveness is healthy” argument.
In my mind, forgiveness is only healthy if:
- the person chooses it on their own terms
- they are completely out-of-harm’s way
- ie. “forgiveness” doesn’t just gloss over bad behaviour or pave the way for repeated harm
- there is no pressure to perform forgiveness for safety, approval, belonging, or spiritual reward
- forgiveness can coexist with strong boundaries
- the act of forgiving leaves the person feeling respected and whole- not diminished
Anything else risks turning forgiveness into compliance.
In The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Eddie is encouraged to forgive his father- a man who was emotionally and physically abusive toward him and his brother.
He is also encouraged to forgive his father’s friend, Mickey, who had an alcohol addiction, forced himself on Eddie’s mother, and was the reason Eddie’s father died.
Yikes. That is a lot to forgive.
Both men are presented as a mix of good and bad- just like all of us. I had to chew over this lesson in my mind a bit.
But, instead of moralizing, I think Albom is demonstrating how tangled people can be. Good and evil aren’t neatly labelled boxes, they often coexist. And we should forgive for our sake. Not theirs.
New Information Means Reexamining Old Forgiveness
Although I am sure time isn’t an issue in heaven, Eddie is encouraged to forgive right when he learns all this new information.
But this new information completely changes his perspective on the two men. Eddie’s father had died a hero, and Eddie had no idea. And Mickey was less of a friend than he thought.
I agree that forgiveness is important, but I think its complexity and schedule should be acknowledged- this gives the act reverence and meaning. It shouldn’t be a defeated blanket statement of “letting it all go”, but rather a continual internal negotiation based on new information. One that never has to reach a conclusion.
In the novel, this new information helps Eddie see his father in a new, gentler light, which ultimately does help him heal.
Where This Leaves Me
This lesson didn’t convince me that forgiveness is always the right answer.
I do however agree with Albom that holding onto anger ultimately hurts us. But I think releasing that anger is only healthy when it comes from self-volition, not external pressure. External pressure doesn’t dissolve anger, it intensifies it.
Besides, I think the act of protecting good things will be rewarded in heaven just as much- maybe even more- than forgiving bad ones.
Lesson 4: Love Never Ends
Despite my evolving feelings toward the other lessons, I actually firmly believe in this next one: love never ends, even after we lose someone.
People don’t simply disappear from our inner world when they leave our physical one. They continue to shape how we think, behave, what we fear, what we want, and what we avoid.
Their absence becomes a presence of its own. Showing up in surprising ways.
One way that love shows up is in our unlived dreams. These are imagined futures that never materialized.
It may be felt in a relationship that never occurred, a child that was never adopted, a marriage that never healed, waiting until it’s too late to do something, someone taken too soon, etc.
This is where you can feel the absence of love, which ironically helps you to articulate its value.
It is in those moments that love doesn’t vanish- it lingers; just hanging in the air, with nowhere to go. But that doesn’t mean that the love isn’t real and genuine. It is still affecting you. It is just searching for a new way to be channelled.
Lesson 5: You Matter
At the end of his life, Eddie felt like he didn’t matter and that he never got to live the life he wanted. He felt a lot of resentment over this.
However, life has a funny way of working out.
If Eddie hadn’t been injured in the war, he might have become more than a maintenance worker. His job at the pier felt mundane to him, but he saved countless lives by keeping the rides safe. What felt ordinary to him was deeply meaningful to others.
It turns out action and impact aren’t the same thing.
My Own “Mundane” Existence
For me, I depleted my health in recent years and have been angry about it. However, I wouldn’t have started this blog if I had been healthy.
The reason I had the idea to do a 52-Book Reading Challenge was that I was bored and stuck in bed, with nothing to do but read books.
The action felt unexciting and isolating at the time- reading and typing away in a room alone, but who knows, maybe it will help someone else.
The Impact of This Book
I didn’t walk away from this book converted, but I didn’t walk away unchanged either.
I also didn’t find any answers to life’s mysteries, but I did find better questions. And that is all the more valuable.
Messy Bun Book Lover
The Five People You Meet in Heaven is available here.
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