Changing Relationship Dynamics in Graduate Housing
When I did my master’s degree in 2015, I lived in an international residence with 175 other graduate students. In theory, it should have been a wonderful experience. But it wasn’t. There were many strange and dark moments during my time there.
A decade later, I was talking to the former Assistant Principal of the college and he said that he had noticed something during his many years there. When he lived in that building in 2001, he said that a dozen new couples had formed by Halloween, and nine of those eventually married. Now, the residence is lucky if one couple forms each year.
He also noticed another odd pattern. Residents- most often women- were leaving early. He would ask them why and this is how he described the responses:
“The women all had the exact same complaint: ‘There is something wrong with the men at (the college).’”
I thought about leaving as well, but could not afford to do so at the time.
The former Assistant Principal (who is a man) said it didn’t matter if the men were local or from around the world. The same phenomenon seemed to be occurring.
My own experiences with the men ranged from bemusing to scary to deeply traumatic. For the last decade, I have deleted all social media and have kept my physical and digital distance from those men. I want nothing to do with them.
This is a far cry from the community he described in 2001. He tried to understand what had changed, speaking with both men and women over the years, but could never put his finger on the root of the problem. The gap seemed to be inexplicably and continuously widening.
I still do not know how to make sense of this either. These experiences are deeply personal, yet seem to indicate a bewildering larger trend.
What do you think? Have you noticed any similar trends?
Messy Bun Book Lover