Dealing with the effects of misbelief will soon be its own therapy topic, I think. Not just for the one who believes the false information, but also for the one who is the subject of the lies.

For the latter, the situation can feel incredibly disorienting since they often do not see the rumors develop- they just feel the impacts. Here is a brief summary of the ways false rumors about you can impact your life:

How Being the Subject of Lies Can Impact You

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1. Confusion

• Typically the subject of the rumor has no idea how it got started, who is behind it, how many people know, and how long it has been going on for and it can take a long time to figure these things out.
  • It can be incredibly jarring as you slowly find all this information out about “yourself” long after other people have.

2. The Pain of Having to Control Your Reaction

• Somehow, misbelievers are not interested in hearing your version and any (genuine) emotional reaction that you give will be interpreted negatively.
  • Maintaining your composure amidst lies and uncertainty is incredibly difficult. The daily conversations you have with these people in your head and over the internet will be exhausting, and they will achieve very little.

3. You Waste a Lot of Effort Putting Out Fires

• Dealing with this will distract you from your actual work and relationships.
• It will include dealing with the damage that has already been done, ongoing damage, and preventing future damage.
  • You will have to play catch up while also trying to protect yourself from future behaviors of the misbelievers. And there will likely be a lot more of them than there are of you.

4. You Lose Trust in Others

• You lose trust in their ability to see you and reality accurately. This makes you question society and will likely cause you to become rather pessimistic.
• Likely the misbelievers won’t just be the stereotypical people you would think. They will be intelligent, and potentially people you know personally which will erode your close relationships and trust in society even further.

5. You Feel Powerless and Hopeless

• Feeling out of control of your own life and narrative is an incredibly scary feeling. It can often cause depression and a “why bother?” attitude.
• It is a lesson in the capriciousness of the world. You realize how small you are.
• Depending on the nature of the rumour and the vitriol of the response, you may feel unsafe. It is an incredibly difficult way to live. Threats to your safety and that of loved ones take a toll.

6. It Can Cause You to See Yourself Differently

• You may adopt a “if so many people believe it, then maybe they are right” attitude.
• You lose respect for yourself and faith in your abilities each time you fail to remedy the seemingly impossible situation. After all, you cannot control others’ words or actions.

7. Dealing With the Long-Term Effects

• In the short-term, you hope the rumor will just fizzle out but false rumors can be incredibly persistent. Especially if others are gaining something from it. You may have to change the way you live and work to ride out the storm of your new reality.
• The emotional momentum that allowed the misbeliever to fall down a rabbit hole in the first place typically causes them to cling hard to their misbeliefs, even in the face of contradictory information.
  • There are several reasons why misbelievers will cling to their untrue belief, such as:
    • Community
    • Identity
    • Sacrifice
    • Warped sense of morality
    • (to read more about the reasons see: #14 Reflections on “Misbelief”)
    • These reasons incentivize misbelievers to hold on to their vision of you as the “villain”. None are quick fixes, which leads to the long-term momentum of the false rumours.

Messy Bun Book Lover

(Originally posted on May 26, 2025)