A High Achiever’s Burnout Story
In my latest post, I discussed I Was Told It Would Get Easier by Abbi Waxman and the limitations of the metrics used when measuring student potential and success. This for me is a very personal issue and is connected to something much larger: the pressure we put on modern students.
Here is a little background about me:
I was a very high achiever. People from neighbouring towns will still recognize me and talk to me about achievements that I had more than 15 years ago. I got very good grades and was admitted to a good university with an athletic entrance scholarship, all indicators pointed to an amazing future. Aaaand guess what I’m doing now? I’m burnt the hell out and struggling to make ends meet.
I chased my tail to the point of exhaustion. And the worst part is I can see this pattern happening in other students too. I cringe when I see a hopeful high schooler who cries because of a low grade or the young man with such bad anxiety that it is affecting his social life. I see that and I wonder: will they end up like me in a few years? So much promise and potential, all for what?
Do Metrics Always Lead Us in a Good Direction?
I think we fall into the trap in society where we rely on indicators to show us how well we or others are doing. We like numbers. We like measuring progress. But doing so also hides a lot.
An example that has gotten significant attention in recent years is that of measuring our weight. Is it healthy to do so? For one person it might be, for another it might not be. A young person might have a “normal, healthy” weight but that can hide the fact that they binge and purge regularly only to lose and gain the same 15 lbs every few months. Or a student may have perfect grades but be heading straight for a mental breakdown. The numbers show a different picture than reality. They can be falsely comforting.
Short-Term Metrics vs. Long-Term Success
Schools are very good at producing high-performing students, but often bad at producing resilient, fulfilled adults.
I want students to thrive for the long-term, not just based on short-term goals. I want them to be just as inspired to learn at age 50 as they are at 20. I want people to be able to read books for fun and to genuinely enjoy the learning process.
This year, I am reading 52 books and am documenting it in blog posts. If you would have asked me to do this in a busier year I would have stared at you incredulously. For all the years of my education, I never once read a book for fun. Self-fulfilment was never my goal. Upskilling, passing the next test, and getting the next acceptance were my goals. I studied a lot and read a lot of textbooks but it was never fun. It was a job. Now that I am an adult I am having to explore other skill sets in order to be “successful” in a different way.
I have talked previously about the fact that the way a person approaches a subject like therapy or relationships is very different from the way they tackle a test. All of the skills that I developed during my years of high achievement worked against me when the goals changed and by that point I had so much mental and emotional inertia built up, I couldn’t change on a dime.
The following is a list of what contributed to this destruction for me:
6 Pitfalls of Modern School & Workplace
1. Being Taught What Success is, Not How to Define it For Oneself
They don’t teach happiness, fulfillment, or healthy relationships in schools. They tell you what your goals should be and what you need to do in order to be successful.
Sometimes these goals might align with your version of success, sometimes not. When my perception of success diverged from what my school saw as successful, we both grew frustrated. In adulthood, when I had to define success for myself, I had no idea how. I had no practice in doing so.
2. The Thin Bandwidth Between Success and Failure
Modern students have a lot of pressure on them. There are heavy consequences for their actions. For example, with post-secondary school, students need to be very intentional about what they study. The cost of education is so expensive in many countries that it could mean financial ruin if you decide a few years down the line that a certain career path isn’t for you. This means you may go on lying to yourself longer about your true satisfaction with your chosen path. You are hesitant to correct choices that no longer work for you because you likely can’t afford to do so.
Similarly, with starting a business: the cost of living is high and it typically takes years to see a return on investment- if the business is even successful at all. It is scary to take on this kind of risk when you’re putting your ability to feed yourself (and your family) on the line.
Recently, I met a man with 3 master’s degrees. I had never met anyone like that. Very few people in my country could afford that based on both the cost of the degree and the time out of the workforce. What a blessing it is to try different things, to see what you like most, and see where you most thrive. He isn’t just a “forever student”, to be clear. He has a great job in addition to his 3 master’s degrees. He is a better person and businessman for all of that learning.
3. The Internal and External Expectation of Instantaneous Results
Many of the world’s most influential writers, artists, and musicians struggled financially. Van Gogh was a failure in his lifetime. JK Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was rejected 12 times by publishers. Gustav Klimt’s faculty masterpieces for the University of Vienna were met with confusion and derision at the time they were unveiled- they were never even displayed at the University. Yet, despite being destroyed during World War 2, those paintings remain a cherished part of Austrian culture nearly a century after they were lost.
Whether each of these creators became successful in their lifetime or not- it took time. These days, school often seems to value smaller, short timeframe successes more than lifelong ones. We think that the small successes lead to a big success. And sometimes they do. But other times, they distract us and burn us out so that we can’t pursue that big success.
Each success, instead of being helpful, becomes another piece in a fragile house of cards that will just increase the devastation when it all comes crashing down. The short-term goals can act as a misleading projection of long-term success. Unfortunately, the two do not always match.
4. Real-Time Comparison With Others
Brené Brown has talked about the difference between comparison and creativity. They are both important skills but lead in two very different directions. The trouble is when one of these skill sets gets leaned on too heavily. If you are a type-A person who constantly compares yourself to others, you may become emotionally fragile and burnt out. If you are an artist who shies away from any comparison to others, you may become isolated and uninspired. The value is in the balance.
Society often gives little room for individuality. Our brains like comparison. Then we can know what the preferred option is. But sometimes it can be like comparing apples and oranges. And yet students look at the person beside them and think “I have to beat that person”, not “I am responsible for creating my best work no matter how it compares to others”.
5. The Expectation of Free Labor
If you are doing unpaid labor in your personal life then you will be at a disadvantage in your career as compared to someone who doesn’t have that responsibility. You will have gaps in your resume while they can spend that time honing their professional skills. They will look like a more ideal candidate despite the fact that you are working hard too.
In the actual workforce there is often an expectation of free or cheap labor, especially to get started. Companies can offer experience or a “foot in the door” to newcomers. This type of system is ripe for exploitation. If you won’t put up with the low standards, then someone else will.
People do not get paid their worth in this kind of system, which benefits the companies who can burn you out then replace you with someone new. This sort of system creates a lot of space for abuses of power. Your boss makes you uncomfortable? Just be grateful that you even have a job. You are wildly unhappy? Well you can’t leave now because you worked your way up.
6. Mistakes and Imperfections Last a Lifetime
Imagine having all of the mistakes of your youth immortalized in photos and videos. I grew up slightly before smartphones. I started university with a Blackberry. Parties weren’t excessively recorded from all angles. Work mistakes were quickly forgotten. Now, they aren’t just immortalized, but often shared instantly.
Now, nearly every beer that a young person drinks is recorded, their awkward years, braces, acne, things they wish they wouldn’t have said, will all get seen by more eyes than those of us who grew up before smart phones and social media. That puts immense pressure for the constant projection of a perfect image, even if it is disingenuous.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on June 13, 2025)
Read I Was Told It Would Get Easier by Abbi Waxman → https://amzn.to/3KU5nks
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