Trauma Cloaks My Writing in a Fog
I recently read If Only I’d Known! by Chelsey Brooke Cole. It is about dealing with narcissists, setting boundaries, and rebuilding self-worth. It is unfortunately the exact book I need for context on my life. That being said, I actually had quite a difficult time writing blog posts about it.
I feel like my insights on this topic are not fully developed. They are still evolving. It is still too early to have clarity. Even now, I am struggling to express my thoughts despite the book’s deep impact on me.
Usually, with other blog posts my thoughts come easily. It feels like the ideas travel in a straight line from the place where thoughts originate to my conscious mind. With the blog posts regarding this book, my thoughts have taken a plinko-sort of path. It has felt mind-numbingly slow.
I have had to be patient with myself as my mind slowly receives these thoughts. I enjoy writing more when I experience ideas appearing lightning-quick in my mind, but words created through trauma have more weight. They feel like a brick, not a feather like other thoughts.
The phrase “the fog of war” comes to mind. It refers to having to make decisions in a state of confusion and uncertainty during wartime. Perhaps writing is its own battlefield. I need to make writing decisions based on limited information. It is just important for me to keep moving forward despite not having all the answers.
Breaking through the “fog of writing” to the other side is what this blog is all about. If Only I’d Known! would be a great book to come back to again and again and is a reminder that healing ultimately happens in its own time. It cannot be rushed.
Cole writes “… there is a difference between wading through the pain and drowning in it. Healing is about letting your pain breathe. Air it out. Give it a voice and let it be seen for what it is.” Airing out these thoughts is perhaps something I have not done for a very long time. Clearing the air will take time.
Messy Bun Book Lover
(Originally posted on May 21, 2025)
If Only I’d Known! by Chelsey Brooke Cole is available here.
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