At the Doctor’s Office
I had a doctor’s appointment today to fill out some occupational health forms for a new job. They checked my ears, eyes, lungs, weight, reflexes, medical history, and more.
But there was an awkward moment.
My doctor told me that he would unfortunately need to indicate my past “Emotional Problems” on my report.
A Reasonable Reaction
I had sought help for anxiety and depression 10 years ago, without great results.
Today, when my doctor asked me to remind him what that was about, I told him honestly: I was in an abusive situation, and at the time, I was given anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.
I am just now pulling myself out of those situations nearly a decade later without medication, largely on my own.
I assured my doctor that my struggles weren’t “Emotional Problems”; that they were genuine, understandable reactions to a scary situation.
But they were still added to my form.
That will be a mark against me and something that I may have to explain to my employer one day.
Protecting Yourself By Not Seeking Help
My appointment reminded me of a friend of mine who works for the government.
He is very capable but struggles with chronic stress and anxiety, largely due to his demanding job.
When his loved ones urge him to go to therapy, he says he doesn’t want to go because it could jeopardize his work for the government.
But that’s awful since he isn’t getting the help he needs.
I understand him, though.
In many ways, I regret seeking help.
I even have a friend who is a doctor who sought private therapy services out of pocket so that it would not show on her record.
Even a doctor was trying to find ways around the current system.
Mental Illness on Paper & IRL
In some ways, it reminds me of survivorship bias. Institutions only measure people willing to come forward, and mistake the silence of those who don’t for stability or “success”.
We don’t have data on the ones who don’t seek help- but that isn’t necessarily an indication of superior wellbeing. It could be an indication of avoidance.
Lack of data does not mean lack of problems.
Besides, doesn’t seeking help demonstrate self-awareness, respect for medical expertise, and a desire to improve? Does that inherently make someone who is unfit for responsibility?
And what constitutes mental or emotional problems anyway?
Are Your Emotional Problems Due to Circumstance or Pathology?
When do understandable emotions- like grief after a loss or fear of ongoing abuse- get classified and treated as pathology, or even as a red flag?
In Lost Connections by Johann Hari, he talks about how depression is often a very reasonable emotional reaction to a life circumstance.
While he was taking antidepressants for over a decade, he was shocked when he realized that his doctor had never asked anything along the lines of: Is there a reason you may be feeling depressed? He was just given pills to manage it.
Like him, I was also never asked that question.
And when I was, 10 years too late, my response was largely ignored by someone in a position of power and trust, who, in theory, “cares about my wellbeing”.
The conversation just went on as if I hadn’t said anything at all.
An Unfortunately Growing Gap
In this sort of system, I fear people aren’t receiving the care they need because they don’t seek help in the first place, and are dismissed and penalized when they do.
This allows problems to grow, and for patients to potentially seek help from less valid sources.
Some of the resources they find might be helpful and informative- there are plenty of mental health books by licensed professionals that I can recommend.
But, if a vulnerable person is unlucky, they may find advice in an ill-informed or nefarious place when going to their doctor isn’t an option.
They are left to navigate all of this on their own.
Half-Truths When Honesty is Needed
As I sat with my doctor today, he reassured me that my past problems probably wouldn’t affect my future employment- they had happened so long ago, after all.
But that wasn’t actually true.
Like my doctor friend, I had sought private therapy much more recently, around 2024-ish. And like I said, I am just pulling myself out of those bad situations now.
But I didn’t correct him. I just accepted his reassurance.
This is a negative, self-reinforcing loop; one that prioritizes minimization and avoidance. And here I am, participating in it.
Maybe this is partially why I have struggled to pull myself out of this situation.
Here I sit across from a trained professional in a position of proximity, power, and public trust- and I am not speaking up. And have little desire to do so again.
It feels like a missed opportunity on so many levels.
Who is Being Protected & Who is Being Harmed?
I also noticed on the form that there was little distinction between emotional problems a). caused by being harmed by others, and b). that cause harm to others.
The form treats them as the same. Victim and perpetrator are alike.
And a perpetrator who never sought help for their problems wouldn’t even have this bureaucratic issue. Only the person who sought help does.
A system like this can scrutinize the wrong people.
Messy Bun Book Lover
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