I’m a Wannabe Maximalist & Minimalist
For a long time, I made clothing, hairstyle, and makeup choices to please others. Or, more accurately: I made these choices not to upset them.
And now I am trying to find myself again.
Yet, I have recently mentioned my burgeoning desire to become more environmentally friendly. Because that, too, aligns with my value system.
So now, it feels like I have two wolves inside me: one maximalist, one minimalist.
It reminds me of two characters in Christmas Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella; one sister is an unapologetic maximalist- going especially overboard at Christmas time, while the other is a rigid minimalist- sometimes to an extreme. Kinsella shows that both approaches, when taken too far, can be flawed. (I discuss this in a post called Is Consumerism Ever Good & Minimalism Ever Bad?)
I don’t want minimalism to become yet another cage. But is it even possible to be an ethical consumer? Can I be mindful, but not self-denying?
Are You “Low Maintenance” or Simply Neglecting Yourself?
Often when I hear women say they are “low maintenance” there’s pride in their voice.
To them, it demonstrates that they focus on what truly matters, and that they aren’t vapid or materialistic.
Sometimes this mentality is rooted in a genuine ethos. Other times, I think it is a way to reframe self-neglect, survival, or conformity as virtue.
My mother is an example of this.
She grew up poor and prides herself on working hard. She is the salt-of-the-earth-type.
The only nice things she owns were gifted to her- she doesn’t buy them for herself.
When she was young, even basic care wasn’t an option, let alone the freedom of self-expression. So she was never taught what healthy self-expression feels like. And the consequences of this persist.
Years later, she still prioritizes practicality above all else. Art or individuality are superfluous. What matters are the necessities.
This means she doesn’t know how to do her hair or makeup, and when she attends formal events, my sister or I have to approve her outfit (one that we have bought for her).
She describes herself as “low maintenance”. But in these moments, she is high maintenance to us.
She was also taught to view her emotions as equally non-essential, so she doesn’t examine them. After all, there is no time to be emotional when you have a job to do. But that can spread the responsibility onto others and have generational implications.
Like the minimalist in Kinsella’s book, sometimes being self-denying can lead to those around us picking up the missing pieces.
I’m not mad at her, though. How could I be?
But it does make me sad.
I will never get to know this underdeveloped part of her. She won’t either.
Are You Allowed to Determine Your Own Appearance?
This meant that I didn’t have a self-expression role model growing up.
I had to teach myself to do my own hair and makeup (this was in the days before YouTube tutorials). And mildly daring fashion choices were perceived as rebellious and attention-seeking. It was stifling.
So I learned to make myself palatable.
This tendency only intensified in adulthood as I attracted controlling people into my life; people who liked to tell me who I am, and who I am allowed to be.
Anyone restricted due to an abusive relationship, a school uniform, strict social standards, or poverty, knows how important seemingly simple choices can be, like wearing your favourite colour.
They become an act of assertion in a world that keeps trying to tell you that you are someone different.
I hope everyone gets to present themselves in a way that feels authentic and unique to them. And I hope we can do this ethically, without ravaging the planet in the process.
But am I being too optimistic?
Can Consumerism Be Ethical?
Recently, I wrote about a box of chocolates that I received for Christmas. When I saw the same chocolates in the store later, there were two options: the familiar box, and a smaller, cheaper version with more chocolate in simple cardboard packaging.
So that second box gives more chocolates, for less money, and uses only cardboard packaging… that seems like a win-win-win.
It reminded me that consumption isn’t inherently bad. It can bring a lot of joy- just like self-expression does.
The problem arises when we make purchasing choices that don’t serve us, or the planet.
In the future, I plan to write more about the awkwardness of consumerism, without dismissing either the value or the impact.
Both minimalism and maximalism can be self-erasing.
Whichever path I choose, I don’t want to be diminished by it.
I want to choose the path forward that is distinctly me. I hope everyone is able to do that. Because the planet needs help. But it also needs more joy and individuality.
Messy Bun Book Lover